Question: It seems like the only time I can get my son (who is just entering high school)to do something is when I threaten him by taking away his phone or computer time. When can I expect him to start to do things before I ask I’m worried about him entering college unprepared.
Answer: Being proactive (积极主动的) can be a challenge for anyone, especially a high-school student faced with so many distractions and opportunities to escape into his or her phone or computer. In 9th and 10th grade, underclassmen may need to be closely managed. However by junior year, students should be able to handle most things on their own with few reminders.
The important point to remember is that the habits your children develop in the first two years of high school, even if you’re heavily managing them, will transfer on when they become juniors and seniors, as you shift from the manager to consultant role.
The single most effective change that I’ve seen--and experienced--is when parents shift their attention from fixing things going wrong and laying out the threats to helping make things go right and addressing the real cause of procrastination(拖延).
One of the keys to kicking the procrastination habit in high-school students is to get them used to busting through the brutal beginning of a task. It’s the first five minutes that usually make people stumble when something you’d rather not do finds its way onto your to-do list.
The best thing to do is to set a timer for five minutes. Seriously set the timer and make your child get to work--but just for those five minutes. Stick with it until it goes off. You’ll find that after those first five minutes the brain kicks into gear and it’s easier to keep going.
It’s like Newton’s first law. an object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion unless otherwise acted upon by an outside force. That timer is the outside force getting an object at rest (either that brain or body)into motion. Once in motion, it’s much easier to keep focused and get the task done.