Laura House remembers the day with embarrassment. "Mom and I were on our way home after dinner when we stopped at an intersection," she says. "When the light changed, the guy ahead of us was looking at a map of something and didn’t move right away. I leaned on my horn and automatically yelled. I didn’t even think about what I was doing. Mom’s jaw just dropped. She said, ’Well, I guess you’ve been living in the city too long.’ That’s when I realized that my anger was out of control."
According to Carol Tavris, author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, the keys to dealing with anger are common sense and patience. She points out that almost no situation is improved by an angry outburst. Shouting, fuming, or leaning on the ear horn won’t make traffic begin to flow, make the screen unlock or make keys appear. Patience, on the other hand, is a highly practical virtue. People who take the time to cool down before responding to an anger-producing situation are far less likely to say or do something they will regret later.
Anger-management therapist Doris Wilde agrees. "Like any feeling, anger lasts only about three seconds," she says. "What keeps it going is your own negative thinking." As long as you focus on the idiot who cut you off on the expressway, you’ll stay angry. But if you let the incident go, your anger will go with it. "Once you come to understand that you’re driving your own anger with your thoughts," adds Wilde, "you can stop it."
Experts who have studied anger also encourage people to cultivate activities that effectively release their anger. For some people, it’s reading newspapers or watching TV, while others need more active outlets (发泄渠道), such as taking a walk, hitting golf balls, or working out with a punching bag. People who succeed in calming their anger also enjoy the satisfaction of having dealt positively with their frustrations.
For Laura House, her experience in the car with her mother was a wake-up call. "Once I saw what I was doing, it really wasn’t that hard to develop different habits. I simply decided I was going to treat other people the way I would want to be treated. I’m a calmer, happier person now," she reports. Doris Wilde believes that people stay angry ______.